NEW REVIEW!! THE SQUID AND THE WHALE: I was worried about Noah Baumbach. Being a big fan of 1995's Kicking and Screaming I was a little concerned that Baumbach had wandered into whatever vortex Whit Stillman got sucked into and we'd never hear from either of them again. You know? I was concerned.

Then randomly he resurfaces to (of all things) replace Owen Wilson as Wes Anderson's writing partner for The Life Aquatic. That abysmal film was the beginning of what seems to be a very beautiful or at the very least profitable friendship for Baumbach. Anderson produced The Squid and the Whale (Baumbach's first directing venture in eight years), loaned out his coveted DP Robert Yeoman, and has definitely influenced Baumbach's visual style though the latter's writing skills (working alone this time) remain sharp. Thank god Baumbach doesn't fall into the trap of creating a production design hell that's nerdy hipness turns smug after about 30 minutes and attempts to give the film a certain dose of reality. It is after all based on his parents' messy divorce in 1986 which was also the basis for the Meryl Streep/Jack Nicholson divorce drama, Heartburn. Or maybe Mike Nichols just used the Baumbachs' ultra-booky Park Slope apartment as the set for that film. Regardless, as a cinephile, I was intrigued by all the parts and expected an excellent whole.

So... where was it? Baumbach gives us a fairly entertaining slide show of uncomfortable/funny/charmingly painful situations but the transitions between each of the episodes are far from smooth. I couldn't tell you how much time was supposed to have passed between the beginning of the film and the ending moment. It could have been days or months or years. I have no idea. Our young protagonists' parents, played by Laura Linney and Jeff Daniels, are set up as hopelessly unlikable people almost immediately. So when they separate, bicker and turn their sons against each other its as if they are greek gods warring against the poor mortal children. They are lost causes so the audience is forced to turn our attention to the children and root for their survival.

This is what I have to say Baumbach achieves with this film. It is a divorce drama that has nothing to do with the possibility of the parents getting back together. I cannot think of another film about this subject that avoided that cliche. It also drags you deep into a perverted adolescense. Perverted by a unique combination of familial meltdown and sexual awakening that I'm sure many people have gone through. The attempt to portray this conflict is brave and, in The Squid and the Whale, it's well-executed but it lead to things I didn't really need to see. Ever. There are some scenes that I would like erased from my memory including public masturbation, Linney picking at what i'm assuming was a herpes sore, Daniels demanding a blow job, and a grade school grope-fest that ends in premature ejaculation only to suddenly turn into an interrogation of the girl's purity. There are even more I haven't mentioned but you get the idea. After a while it ceases to be daring or confessional and just becomes squirm-inducing.

Having said all that the performances from the kids, Jesse Eisenberg and Owen Kline, were the ones I found most impressive. Laura Linney and Jeff Daniels were capable but not necessarily the career highlights the critics are proclaiming them to be. Anna Paquin needs to get a real job and stop turning up in the movies I want to see.

What am I really trying say here? If you're dying to see it, add it to the Netflix queue. No need to rush out.