MY (SEX) LIFE WITH MICHELLE PFIEFFER

In accordance with Nathaniel R.'s Blog-A-Thon, I have a few things to say about Ms. Pfeiffer.

Cinephilia is not just about film but how and when certain films and film stars ingratiated themselves into your life. The more I mused about Pfeiffer the more I thought about this timeline below. They are all milestones of my sexual awakening. Because... let's be honest... this woman is fucking SEXY!

LADYHAWKE (1985, dir. Richard Donner)
Arden watches circa 1989

This movie made me cry. When I was like 8. Seriously. This scene in particular. Me = Eight Years Old. Bawling my eyes out. True love, man. It's what we are all working toward... right?

BATMAN RETURNS (1992, dir. Tim Burton)
Arden watches circa 1994

My obsession with Batman during my formative middle school years was pretty out of control. An avid fan of the animated series and the Adam West TV show but I had yet to experience Burton's incarnation. Since I wasn't allowed to see PG-13 movies, I had this movie relayed to me in detail by my boyfriend at the time. Scene. By. Scene. When I finally saw it, Pfeiffer's performance was like watching my id wreck havoc on the rest of my psyche. I quoted her constantly. I acted out that misteltoe scene with that same boyfriend countless times.

WITCHES OF EASTWICK (1987, dir. George Miller)

Arden watches circa 1995.This movie scared the shit out of me. Having just ventured into the world of making out and long phone conversations about sex scenes in films, this movie's creepy premise made me a little uncomfortable about my recent lifestyle choices. I think in particular it was the cherry pit scene. The idea that one person's sexual indulgence is another person's sexual sin.

ONE FINE DAY (1996, dir. Michael Hoffman)

Arden watches circa 1996. Saw this in the theater. Liberation! Post-modern post-feminism! She was my hero. Dressed like her in this movie for a couple months. The concept of shaving your legs before having sex completely foreign. Was I expected to do that?

AGE OF INNOCENCE (1993, dir. Martin Scorsese)

Arden watches circa 2000

Beginning to slip into a world of pretty severe substance abuse, I fall in completely obsessive love with someone completely and utterly unavailable. I watch the scene where Daniel Day-Lewis kisses her foot about 8000 times, screaming (while stoned): "THIS SUMS UP MY LIFE! THIS IS MY LIFE!"

DANGEROUS LIAISONS (1988, dir. Stephen Frears)

Arden watches circa 2003

Serious drunk and speed freak, unable to hold onto an actual (let alone healthy) relationship, I watch this film as research when performing this play at NYU. I had the role of Merteuil (played in the film by Glenn Close). Basically, I felt like a debased human being and spoiled brat. Convinced that relationships are bullshit games and backstabbing endeavors. True love = impossible.

SCARFACE (1983, dir. Brian de Palma)
Arden watches circa 2005

After cleaning up my act, I watch this film twice in a row one weekend while chain-smoking and drinking Red Bull. Mesmerized by Pfeiffer's performance. Realize things could definitely have been worse.

After seeing Scarface, I make one of Pacino's lines my mantra. "We're not hungry any more." I make it a point to always stay hungry. I look forward to watching more films with Michelle Pfeiffer in them and I want to wish her a happy birthday! Michelle was born the same year as my mother and shares the same birthday as my little sister. So a happy birthday, Michelle! A happy birthday to you!