I dreamt Annette Bening was trying to kill me...
... I mean... I don't blame her. Here's how it went down.
I was on a very crowded train where I was (obviously) part of some sort of commune. We were all drinking grape juice and wearing white terry cloth bathrobes. At some point, someone mentions to me that Warren Beatty is on this train. I decide to go and find him.
He's sitting further back and Annette Bening is not sitting with him but asleep a couple rows behind him. I introduce myself, tell him I'm a big fan, and neglect to explain why I'm wearing a terry cloth robe and nothing else. Warren smiles politely at me. (This is, by the way, modern day Warren Beatty not 1961 Warren Beatty).
I continue to blather on and Warren seems become more and more intrigued with me. I explain that I love him. That no one else will love him as much as I do. (Keeping my voice low so as not to wake Annette). I explain that I know I sound crazy but that I can prove it. I somehow produced a picture of myself at age 6. I say "somehow" because the robe didn't have any pockets to speak of and I was naked undeneath.
Warren Beatty looks at the photograph and... I don't know really how to describe what happened next except that he was smitten with me. He looked deeply into my eyes like I was a cool relief from his weary twilight years. He mistily and earnestly thanked me and said he would always sleep with this photo over his heart. He then promptly fell asleep with the photo in the aforementioned location.
It was at this point that Annette Bening woke up and immediately knew something was afoot. She glared at me and demanded I tell her what I was doing bothering HER husband. I said that I was sorry and tried to run away but she grabbed me by the arm and started trying to stab me with a blunt object. That's right. She was bludgeoning me to death. Warren slept through all of this.
At one point, she caught sight of my childhood photograph perched on the breast pocket of Warren's suit. She was further distraught over this. As if this act of sleeping with photographs of young girls were not only a habitual problem of Warren's but that all hope was lost somehow. This was when she called me "cheap" and her eyes got watery. She pulled back her arm, lifting what I'm assuming was some kind of acting award and began to bring it down on my head when
I. Woke. Up.
7 comments:
Ok, I am not lying when I say this: you are the only person in the WORLD who would have this dream.
Really amazing! Useful information. All the best.
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omg. so funny. although defender... i have this kinda dream too. Not about Annette Bening sadly. But often Uma Thurman plays key roles.
Haha, Nathan, that's amazing. I once had a dream that Ewan McGregor was a famous Pulp/WWII hero, and i was his goofy Jimmy Olsen-style sidekick. I don't even like Ewan all that much. Sadly, I almost never have dreams about celebrity women. Except this really kickass one with Angelina Jolie...
I saw her and Warren at the Virgin Mega Store in West Hollywood a few years ago.
Very. Scary. Hair.
Hi! Just want to say what a nice site. Bye, see you soon.
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ok, so:
i'm standing atop a skyscraper near the empire state building with elton john, who was wearing an oversized foam cowboy hat. he's telling me about how he just started this new show on broadway and he's getting paid "more than anyone ever has been paid for anything": a million dollars a show. but he's pissed, because none of the cast ever shows up, so they always have to cancel the show. during the course of this conversation, elton morphs into paul newman, complete with red bathrobe/smoking jacket thing.
paul suggests we ditch this joint and his helicopter immediately arrives. we hop in and fly to paul's home which is really rocky mountain-esque. and snowy. and awesome. he mentions that the beach is "only ten minutes over that ridge." some of my friends are there, and they're not nearly as impressed as i, so paul and i decide to fly the coop again and his spaceship shows up. it looks like the borg ship from star trek the next generation. we hop in and i watch planets fly by.
we decide to make a movie together when we arrive at the next planet and start shooting in what seems like a jazz lounge, with a band quietly tuning up in back. dustin hoffman and meryl streep are there - only she's 17, and hot. she and i do our scene together (in which we make out ferociously) in one take and everyone calls me "one take paul" because i'm so brilliant.
we're about to shoot the next scene and the band starts playing, and they're too loud. we can't shoot over the din of this 70's-era electric organ. so i volunteer to sneak over and turn off the organ, since i know exactly where the switch is; my grandparents have had one of these organs for about 30 years. meryl, dustin and paul get the ship running so we can make a quick getaway (the band will no doubt pursue me after i ruin their shit).
i succeed in deactivating the organ and sprint back to the ship, which is already taking off, so i have to grab onto the outside and hang on as we fly through the galaxy. i experience space flight, outside a spaceship.
we land at the next planet to celebrate at de niro's house.
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